If you are considering divorce, there are the issues involved in a divorce and THEN there are issues that you find yourself involved depending on the process.
The issues common to divorce no matter the process are child custody and visitation, child support, spousal support, attorney fees, and asset and debt division.
The issues that you don’t know that you will have in a divorce through the court system are: paying attorneys fees for your attorney to travel and wait in court for hours; having no control over your fees; having to pay for two forensic accountants; two appraisers, one, two or three custody evaluators, thousands of dollars for discovery, fighting in court about getting documents that you may already have.
Why? Well because when you hire a litigator or traditional divorce attorney then many times it becomes about them winning the case and their reputation. It is about winning battles until you get to the war. By then, unless you have millions of dollars in assets, you usually get wiped out by the end of the divorce process.
The issues that you deal with in a Collaborative process are how to talk to each other in a way that will bring out the best in your spouse and have him or her want to cooperate with you; how to talk to the children about divorce; what future you want for yourself after divorce so we could use the plan to guide us in working out the property division and support settlement agreement. Being requested to forgive your spouse so you can move on.
Let’s do the math. How much are you spending to get what?
You want to ask yourself: Do I want to spend the next few years giving money to attorneys and experts fighting each other? Do I also want to compromise my time, energy, and attention on a game of competition for the thrill of a couple of family law attorneys?
What am I getting? Is the possible humiliation and punishment of my spouse worth all that I am investing? Is the unpredictable outcome worth all my current and future time and energy and money?
How much else am I compromising by not spending my time, energy, and attention on wealth building?
How much is the value of the wellbeing of my children?
How much is the value of my peace of mind?
Or do I want to really get divorced and end the marriage efficiently. Is the future I want for myself the goal or is giving control to a couple of attorneys my goal?